Stuck in a Loop?
Try This 'Accept or Convert' Mindset Shift
Imagine a recurring problem or dilemma in your life —one that keeps coming up to disrupt your peace of mind. This probably isn’t hard to do (argh). You might overthink the problem frequently, beat yourself up for not handling it differently, or feel ashamed. Maybe you get stuck in a loop, ruminating about various scenarios and how things could or, in your opinion, should have gone differently. These types of problems are the ones that keep us stuck, zapping energy and making life more difficult on all levels.
Recently, I came across a concept from Positive Intelligence (I’m going through their program for a friend training to be a coach), and I’ve found it fascinating. It is a comprehensive program for living better and more effectively in all realms of life by developing “mental fitness.” Many tools and practices are offered, and one particular approach, “accept or convert,” has been especially useful to me lately.
The program builds up to this idea with a whole progression, so this is just the Cliff Notes version—and all credit goes to Positive Intelligence and its creator and founder, Shirzad Chamine.
The idea is simple: When you face a problem causing distress or frustration, you offer yourself two choices—either accept the situation and ultimately make peace with it or find a way to convert it into a valuable lesson.
It sounds straightforward—and it is—but there are some nuances I’ve found particularly helpful. Like many things, as I always say, simple doesn’t mean easy.
Depending on the severity of the situation, this may be a very challenging ask. The two choices aren’t about dismissing actual harm, excusing behavior, or bypassing emotions—the approach asks that we find a new way to help ourselves move forward more effectively.
Acceptance: Getting the Body on Board (a revelation)
On an intellectual level, it might be easy to acknowledge that some things are out of your control (think geopolitical challenges, for instance). You may even tell yourself you’ve accepted the situation—but your body isn’t letting it go. Maybe you feel better briefly, only to slip back into frustration.
The advice here is to bring the body into the process (yay!). When you feel frustration over something you can’t control—something you’ve mentally decided to accept—try this:
Tense up your whole body (or just a few parts if you need to be discreet).
Hold that tension.
Release with a big sigh and say, “I accept it,” while noticing the ease and relaxation in your body.
Repeat as needed until your body and mind are on board with letting it go.
Convert: Finding the Gift
The second option—convert—is best when something has gone badly, or you’ve made a mistake, and there’s an opportunity (even a small one) to learn or take action. In this case, you commit to converting the experience into a learning opportunity. Here are a few ways to do that:
The Gift of Knowledge: What helpful lessons can be learned? How could this knowledge serve you in the future?
The Gift of Strength: What qualities—resilience, patience, courage—are strengthened through this challenge?
The Gift of Action: What action can you take as a result? It could be directly related to the situation or something else beneficial.
The “gift of action” example in the program involves imagining that you gave a speech and it didn’t go well. Instead of getting stuck in frustration and beating yourself up, you decide to watch a short TED Talk to improve your speaking skills every time you start feeling bad about it. This turns a negative experience into a practical learning opportunity.
The suggestion is to make these decisions quickly—probably within 10 seconds—before overthinking kicks in. Just choose and go with it.
A Yogic Perspective
Considering all the tools I’ve explored for handling unhelpful thinking and challenging situations, this approach felt refreshingly simple, tactical, and doable. If you’re looking for another way to navigate difficulties, it’s worth a try.
From a yogic perspective, we can also zoom out and remember: We are not our thoughts or our mistakes, and we are certainly not responsible for all the hardship and strife we see on our screens 24/7. Adding the practice of non-attachment (Vairagya) can make this process even more powerful. Letting go of attachment to specific outcomes is also a big ask, but with practice, it gets easier.
Bringing It All Together
At the heart of this approach is a simple but powerful (albeit sometimes challenging) truth: we always have a choice in how we respond. When dealing with difficult situations primarily out of our control, it is easy to forget this and get lost in the doom spiral. However, the beauty of any problem is that we can regain control of ourselves in our response.
Whether we accept what we cannot change or convert challenges into opportunities for growth, we reclaim a sense of agency over our experiences.
Pairing these tactical tools with yogic wisdom—reminding ourselves that we are not our thoughts or circumstances—offers a path to moving through life with greater ease and resilience.
So, the next time you encounter a difficulty in your life, take a breath, tune in, and decide: Will I let this go, or will I find the gift?